I've been exhausted, stressed, maxed out, angry, happy, bitter, excited, sad, and all around a mess most of the time. I've refused to look at my calendar, anxious for what all is coming. I started an awesome new job. I took on a new executive position.
I've failed a few times, and fallen a lot. I've broken down and not been able to pull myself back up. I've had amazing experiences and made new friendships. My patience has been tried. I've felt like giving up. I've been filled with doubt. I've felt peace.
So far this year, I have struggled a lot. I've wondered when life is really going to start for me. I've wondered when I will finally love my major. I've wondered how I'll make it 2 more years. I've wondered what my purpose is in this life.
I'm learning day after day that I don't have the answers to any of these questions. I probably never will. And I have to be OK with that! I am being taught each day something new. Every trial, every moment. I am learning. I am growing.
This is life. It's not always glamorous or exciting, but it's what you've been given. It's the purpose for your very existence! And it's a crying shame not to live in every moment. No matter how hard it is now, it's all going to work out. How do I know this? God promises us this. He is the ultimate promise-keeper.
Yeah, it's going to be tough sometimes. But it'll make you that much more tough. Things may not be going like you planned. But the Lord's plans are that much better.
Thankfully I've been blessed with the greatest support system of friends and family. They push me when I want to quit. They encourage me when I'm down. They pick me up when I fall. They make me smile through the tears. They make me laugh when it's the last thing I feel like doing.
So for now, I'm continuing on. Dreaming. Still believing in big things. Finding that my worth is not in the eyes of others. Getting out of my own way. Thankful for grace. Trying my best to trust in my God. He is greater than all of these things.
And yeah, it's gonna be scary. The future is crazy bright but totally unknown, but there is no fear in love.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
{1 Peter 5:7}
-k
